The most confident person I know made barely a whisper

in my early teenage years.

They were assigned to the shadows.

I was fascinated by the glare.

School assembly

many years ago and a talk from a charity representative.

She was blonde, tall, slim with legs and hair shaped by the gods.

She moved effortlessly convincing a normally lazy

self-centred group of teenagers to enrol to help the charity.

That day I named glamour power and confidence.

I chased it myself for many years.

Though my hair would never behave and my legs never sculpted.

And as I chased that poisoned chalice

the confidence I had inherited or developed disintegrated.

Completely.

I had to learn confidence anew from the bottom,

the rock of unemployment, aloneness and panic

when a simple question like ‘so what have you been up to?’

makes you want to run home and never try again.

That’s when the most confident person I know

showed up unexpectedly.

Their shadow more visible now

perhaps as the glare from my pursuit of glamour dimmed.

The most confident person I know had so much to teach me.

I wondered why I had never heard them before.

They taught me to show up.

They showed me that nursing people who’s bodies were dying

would fulfil my soul.

That the laughter we would share would make us both self forget.

They taught me that the water I was drinking was making me thirsty

destroying my eyes, my focus, my ability to love.

They taught me how unique I was.

They taught me that confidence came

from looking after those elderly parents

even though it meant I had no ‘me time‘.

The most confident person I know told me

where their confidence came from

“knowing where I come from and where I am going to“

helps me cope even with the betrayal of a close friend.

The most confident person I know told me

Do not make idols of people but do love them.

Sometimes though they told me

confidence comes from staying silent.

As if you are, as they were once, in front of Pilate.